I'm so radical

Wanted to publish this post again, because I'm proud of the way I wrote it, and really believe in the message.....

If you cannot see at least a little validity in the idea that, at least theoretically,
Suicide may not be a bad idea,
If you cannot recognize that
You are not completely different from a murderer,
If you cannot at least entertain the idea that you are so small in this vast universe that
You don't make a hell of a difference
Or that there is no God and this world is meaningless,
If you cannot have just a little despair for the state of the human condition then,
You are not thinking enough,
Not feeling enough,
Not humble enough.

A friend of mine once said, "Occasional bouts of existential despair are the admission ticket to a full and satisfying life of the intellect." So true....and I would also add a full and satisfying life of the heart and soul.

Life

There's been a saying going through my head the past week: "It's your life. Go out and live it."

I don't remember where I heard it or who said it, but it really simplifies things doesn't it? And really helps me feel empowered, to take control and do what I want to do. And if there are bumps along the way, to try to remember that they are just particles of dust in the grand scheme of things.

I just realized, perhaps it was hearing of the death of a family friend that woke my subconscious up to the "go out and live it" message. My mom's friend passed away at the age of 39 a couple days before my dissertation proposal defense. That suddenly made the defense much smaller...

Independence

The more I think about it, I feel like ultimately we are alone in this world. We will love and interact with various people throughout our lives who teach us lessons, give us moments of happiness to store away, or moments of sadness to make us stronger. But in the end, it's up to us to care for ourselves and make the changes we want to make. We can't expect someone else to make us happy; happiness has to come from within.

That can seem sad or scary, but lately I find it liberating. Then you don't have to depend on someone else; no particular expectation leads to no disappointment and more importantly, empowerment.