Paradoxical Ideas

Some questions that have been racking my brain lately are:

-I believe we create our own realities so I visualize the day I will have in the morning, yet why does so much happen that is beyond my control?

-I feel like I have a strong connection with someone, but maybe he doesn't feel connected with me. Then does a connection really exist?

-I believe we should work hard to contribute to our worlds, but why bother, if there is no cosmic meaning and life could be taken from us at any moment?

-I thought I was confident and felt good about myself, but why do I seem to push away or shy away from the men I really like?

-Can you really be in a loving relationship without stifling your own individual self and goals?

-I place a high importance on seeking knowledge and asking questions, but why is it that the more I do, the less I feel I know and the more confused I get?