To do, or to be done to?

Up until now, I thought I had it all figured out. That love is not a feeling, or a thing to be acquired, but that it is something you do, an action. And for the most part I still believe that. You get those great feelings by doing the act of love (i.e. speaking various love languages such as gift-giving, words of affection, acts of service, physical touch, spending quality time with the person).

And to me, liking someone is less voluntary. You may not like a family member (i.e. find their qualities appealing), but love them anyway because they are family, and family members watch out for each other. And it's easy to love when times are great, but people need to be loved more when times are not so great, which is also more difficult to do.

But lately I'm finding that it is much harder to love someone you do not like. And if love is something you do, why am I finding it hard to love the guy I've been dating for the past few months? He loves and cares for me, but I do not love him back. If love is an action, then you should be able to learn to do it, and so I thought compatibility in marriage is more important than love, because the love can grow with time. But I'm compatible with this guy in a number of ways, yet I am not loving him back.

So is love a larger force that consumes you, rather than simply an action you can choose to do?