Strength

On Wednesday and Thursday of this past week, I ran 4 miles in about 55 minutes. It had been a while since I went jogging, especially that distance, yet I didn't get stomach pains, nor was I too sore afterward. It's something I'm quite proud of and decided to set the goal of running a marathon before I turn 40. I'm a very goal-oriented person and setting new goals and the thrill from the challenge of reaching them gives me a lot of satisfaction. And lately, it's been the way that I'm coping with turning 30.

This accomplishment also reminded how strong I am, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. It's amazing that with my experiences I didn't turn into a drug addict, and how well I've handled challenges in my life despite being alone. And I've also been thinking: does God really give us only as much as we can handle? I've handled a whole lot on my own (so fatigue could be a major factor in my third-life crisis) and maybe God gave me those challenges because I am capable of handling them? I've been jealous of those who have the support of either significant others or parents. But I've also recently learned that many of those same people have handled more than me (death of a close one, surgery, serious break-ups). Is it because I'm alone that God hasn't given me those types of challenges? I wouldn't be able to handle them at all?

Yet this idea sort of conflicts with my notion of us creating our own realities, rather than a supreme being having all the control.