Crisis

I just realized it, I'm going through an existential, third-life crisis right now, leading me to feel more depressed, helpless, and less satisfied. I need people for support, at the same time am pushing them away. I want love, yet am not making myself completely open and available to it because I am so proud of my strength and independence. I want to be touched, but enjoy the drama of being admired from afar. I want someone close, but am afraid of what might happen. In short, I'm sabotaging the process of finding a life-long partner.

So there are changes I need to make to get some things I want, but I don't know if I want to make them either.

It's a lonely place to be.