Congruency

For the past three days I've been having some serious muscle tension in my upper back, neck and shoulders. This has happened before, and it's been much worse (where my entire abdomen area was so tight I couldn't walk in the morning). It's happened during stressful transition points in my life, so this time I can't figure out why it would be happening. I'm not any more stressed now than I have been this year, and actually my summer schedule is a bit more relaxed.

Then at a social gathering last night someone asked me, "Are you speaking your truth?"

That was such an 'aha' moment.

My body is probably holding toxins from me not letting myself just be myself. Meaning, my actions and speech are not congruent with who I really am. I put on a false brivado as a way to not make myself vulnerable and say things I don't mean, or make myself more distant from folks than I really want to be. And I guess all this takes a toll on my body.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm changing and am significantly different from who I was 4 years ago. So some aspects of myself I do feel like I know confidently how to define. But I guess there is so much to still figure out. So it's not that I'm always being ingenuine, but what can sometimes be seen as ingenuine is just because I'm still figuring out who I am in that arena.

Does anyone else struggle with this problem of incongruency? Especially at the age of 32?